Category: Career

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2025

On a positive note…

The way life could knock you so far out and over to the other side is amazing. Sitting here thinking about the things I plan to do in 2025 with fear of what this new president have in store for my family. I don’t feel safe as a black woman raising black children in an economy where food, gas and housing is at a major incline. Paycheck hasn’t moved to match these increases and no solutions for it. I mean, my children will probably have to depend on me through their adult life if they want to join the real world and financially be stable in it. This is not the future that many has planned for and it’s sad.

The focus for 2025 is positivity. Looking forward to living my life again and not stressing out over things I have no control over. I am determined to work towards what I deserve and stop making excuses on why I don’t think it’s possible for me. I’ve always wanted a certain life and having kids made it seem impossible. But I was wrong, waiting for the right time was the key. The time is now. I am ready. Excited for the possible and the impossible. Whatever extra god has planned, I am here to receive and I’m thankful.

Which lead me to the decision to head back to school and finally finish what I started. Showing my daughters by example hard work and determination will lead you on the path of your well earn goal you set for myself. A single parent with a high school freshman going to Catholic School and a third grader making strides right after her sister. Six years apart and they’re never apart. The two I have to keep providing for emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. They’re kindly reminding of my adolescent days of what I use to do and get away with. Keeps me alert of all the things that I have to protect them from. My mom must be internally laughing at me. I have finally become her, the parent that worries, that is trying to make my kids learn from my mistakes because I already know the outcome. These days I’m emotionally meeting them half way so they can know it’s not all punishment and harsh talking, What I do and say comes from a place of love. And reminding them I was once their age and I know the world looks fun and inviting, but it’s tough with scary people waiting around the corner hoping you slip up. Talk about a dose of reality to kill the buzz.

Feels good to finally be here.

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Covid-19 has been the main factor in life taking a turn for my household. The girls seem to be growing before my eyes. Keeping up with Girl Scouts, Cheerleading, school plays, softball and all their academic activities all the while still maintaining my night work schedule at the hospital. Sleep? Whats that?! Some days I forget if I’m coming or going. Im not as sharp as I use to be. Life is lifing. I mean, really. I sometimes call Savannah Giselle’s name in mid sentence. Can’t call it pregnancy brain anymore, that ship has sailed seeing that Giselle is now 7 years old.

Baby girl is surprising her mother everyday with how smart she is. Not to say my daughters is slow or lacking smarts. Giselle was diagnosed with a condition that had me in shambles these past couple of years. I have my random moments that I break out in tears. The fear of my daughter not being able to live a long fruitful life is troubling. There is too many wicked people on this earth to trust my daughter around. I am definitely holding her hand and guiding her to make sure no one takes advantage of her trust and kindness. I can break out in a cry without warning. And I don’t care really. These days I am doing a lot better. She’s such a great daughter. Giselle looks up to her big sister so much. She wants to be so much like her. She’s not afraid to show her independence. But not being in the same school building is effecting her and it shows. Savannah use to pop in her class room to check in on her. They would sometimes eat together. This school year reports have said she gets very passionate through out the day with the teachers and some of the students. Im trying to teach her how to redirect her emotions when she is having her bad days. Savannah isn’t always going to be there and she’s getting it now. Especially now the Savannah will be going to high school next year.

Savannah is applying to a few schools of interest and I couldn’t be more excited. Public schools in the area isn’t offering the education that I think my girls deserve. We are looking into catholic or all girls school for the high school years. Believe it or not, it’s Savannah’s idea. Visiting schools reminds me of college tours. Checking out classrooms, activities and clubs. She’s so exciting for cheerleading tryouts seeing that she is competing presently with pop warner. She won her first competition two weeks ago. I am so proud of her. I am now THAT mom. I almost feel like I’m on the show ‘Dance Moms’.

I am still manifesting a few things in my life that I feel is missing. I haven’t been seeing my therapist this year and Im not proud of that. That work life balance isn’t quite balancing. Im going to get it together. Single mom life isn’t for the weak. But I am trying my best to stay head strong. The Thanksgiving and Christmas Season always puts me in a good mood. I can’t wait to whine down a little and slow the pace. Next year Im hoping to go back to school and finally use my talents and smarts for something. I don’t think I have found my calling and that’s OK. I fee like I still have the time to figure it out.